One week before what would have been our due date of our first pregnancy, we found out that I was pregnant!
Weird coincidence to the first time, we were fully ready, and when I say fully ready I mean IUI medication ready to go in the fridge, to start that process again. Both time's we were able to get pregnant on our own, but it took going through all the steps/tests/having the IUI medication ready to go before we were able to. Coincidence? Who knows.
So after telling Ryan the first person to know was my brand new chiropractor who I was having my first appointment with that day. Talk about getting close, fast... Hello, nice to meet you. Is there any possibility you could be pregnant? Well, actually yes. Oh, how far along? I just found out an hour ago... Normal.
Being pregnant after our loss was something I was really anxious about. I didn't know how I'd feel, would I emotional, would I be shut off, would I be anxious every day about if we'd be able to carry to term? I can say, thought it's an odd thing to admit, I've pretty much had zero emotion about it at all since finding out. I'm thrilled we're pregnant, and so happy and excited to meet our baby. But none of that has manifested in a physically emotional way yet. Every little twinge, cramp, sickness, any feeling at all that I felt during the entire first trimester was just scary. I wasn't excited for appointments, each one just built up my anxiety and nerves about if something would be wrong. And even if things at that appointment were good, what was the guarantee that they'd still be ok by the next appointment.
Because of the loss we were able to get permission for Ryan to come in with me (due to COVID rules in our area he still wasn't/isn't able to come in for appointments) which was a huge relief as we were able to see our little bean's heartbeat on screen.
Our next ultrasound (photos below) was at 11.5 weeks or so and everything was still looking good and strong, but still my anxiety about it all didn't go down.
Flashforward to this past week (beginning of April) we had our anatomy scan at 19.5 weeks. And thankfully according to the doctor our baby is happy healthy and there are no visible concerns. What a relief. All that being said, I still haven't cried, whether happy or sad about our baby. But that's ok. That doesn't mean I'm not happy or excited or ready or any of the above. I think it's just my heart still being in protection mode.
I cannot wait for us to be able to hold our little baby. I cannot wait for us to find out if they are a boy or girl. I cannot wait to see Ryan as a dad, and I cannot wait for us to be able to introduce him or her to Porter who is very ready to be a big brother. (Yes, Porter is our dog...)
I can't believe we're already halfway through this crazy journey. Now, onto the nursery.
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