This May Be Controversial But: Some Thoughts as a Pregnant Woman and Mom of a Toddler
I want to first start off by saying that not everyone will agree with the things I'm about to say. The wonderful thing about that? We're allowed to disagree. These are simply my thoughts and experiences and from those experiences, my recommendations, take that as you will.
I think that as a society we've become better, if not better at least more aware that we should maybe take pause before saying the first thing that pops into our head when it comes to most things. I've found that fertility, pregnancy, motherhood and all the things that come with that seem to still be an exception more often than not. These are my experiences and thoughts on how these conversations tend to go.
These are the following things that have been said to me so far with my pregnancy with my daughter as well as my current pregnancy:
Oh, just wait until...
I don't know how the next baby can possibly compare
When telling people we're pregnant
Oh, I could tell from photos
I knew it / I had a feeling
I knew that the due date must be around xxx
Wow, 2 under 2, good luck
Again, it's going to be hard for baby number 2 to compare
I shared about our journey to having our daughter in my first post. During that whole process I had a friend say something to me that really resonated. There are four circumstances that a couple is likely in when it comes to starting a family.
They do not want kids.
They are trying and having trouble.
They are pregnant and not ready to share.
They have had a loss.
Not one of these circumstances need to be shared with friends, family or least of all a stranger. It is personal information that should be able to be shared if and when the couple feels is appropriate. I'm not perfect at this either, I know in the past I've asked the question, do you guys know when you want to start a family? I've had the reaction, "I knew it!" when someone tells me they are pregnant etc. However, since having struggled to get pregnant, having a miscarriage, having my daughter and now being pregnant again, I've learned a lot.
My reason for saying this is I think we could all use a little reminder to take pause and realize how personal of a question, when are you planning to have a baby is. Or, realize how insensitive it can be to say to someone that you "could tell they are pregnant" by photos or in person. You are commenting on someones sex life and on their weight... maybe not the best thing to say out loud.
Being a parent isn't easy, no matter your circumstances. Every child, parent, home, lifestyle and set of circumstances is different. We all know the saying, "treat people with kindness, you never know what someone else is going through." You don't know if someones child or parent is sick, you don't know if someone is struggling with finances, you don't know if someone is having a hard time being a stay-at-home-parent or a working parent. Simply put, take pause and be kind.